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On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers.   He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with violence.

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Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.

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Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris’ sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.